4 Ways to Overcome Insecurities In Your Relationships
Do you feel insecure in your relationships? If you have a pattern of doubting your attachment with someone, and spiralling about how to “fix” it, there’s a good chance you have an anxious attachment style.
We all have attachment styles with the people around us. These describe the way we connect and relate to others. Our default attachment style comes from our childhood. A secure attachment happens when a child feels seen and validated by their caregiver, give the freedom to explore and know they have a secure foundation.
An anxious attachment happens when we received inconsistent care as a child. Sometimes this is because our parents weren’t present, other times it’s because our parents were navigating illness, divorce or financial stress, leaving our childhood sense-of-self a little unmoored.
When we grow older, this means we look for our sense of self in connection to others. It can leave us hyper-anxious, over bearing, clingy or full or self doubt. You’re not a bad person for experiencing these things, your brain is just stuck in old patterns.
So how can you move from an anxious attachment to a secure attachment?
The team at Therapist.com put together this great infographic explaining anxious attachments. They list four strategies you can practice to move toward a secure attachment with your partner, friends or family.
Increase your awareness of self
Start journaling, and consider seeing a therapist who can help you identify patterns and the thoughts motivating your behavior.Use anxiety management skills
Anxiety isn’t something you cure, it’s a natural part of living. But instead of letting it control you, start to push back by using breathing techniques, mediation, excercise, art or yoga.Change your perception of control
Release yourself of the expectation that you should control others and the world around you. You are only responsible for your behaviour, and you have choice about how you act. You can’t make someone love you, speak to you a certain way, or connect with you. There’s freedom in that, because you’re no longer responsible for the way other people behave.Developing relationship building skills
When you sense that anxiety is rearing its head, pivot and lean on your natural relationships skills. Ask open ended questions, state what you need rather than assume the other person knows, be assertive, practice compromise and celebrate the beautiful award beginnings of a relationship. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be good, and if you build from a place of self confidence knowing you are worthy of love, you will develop a security people with gravitate towards.
